Thursday, 25 February 2016

Lachlan's Remember Poem

That Was Summer by Lachlan

Remember how I felt inside when I finished my fish and chips, mmm… yummy?
Remember when I saw the hot sun lighting up the world?
That was summer.

Remember when I said “When are we going back to school dad?”?
Remember when I thought about my brothers?
That was summer.

Remember smelling my yummy dinner?
Do you remember when I went to the school pool?

That was summer.
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9 comments:

  1. Unknown25 February 2016 at 18:48

    What could we say to Lachlan about his writing? What did he do well? What could he improve on next time?

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous9 March 2016 at 20:24

      I think he needed a bit more exciting words

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    2. Anonymous9 March 2016 at 20:24

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous9 March 2016 at 20:25

      This comment has been removed by the author.

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    4. Anonymous9 March 2016 at 20:26

      I think he needs a bit more exciting words.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous9 March 2016 at 20:55

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Anonymous9 March 2016 at 21:00

    The first line is very funny Lachie!

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  4. Unknown10 March 2016 at 14:26

    I think it's a really good poem because you did sound effects and I think you need to work on doing it throughout your writing. - Leon

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  5. Anonymous11 March 2016 at 18:21

    I really like your poem because it sounds fun. I like how you ordered your lines in your poem. I think it would be cool if it had more describing words and more about how you felt.

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